On Our Own Now...

My mom is gone. :(

So many emotions are going on inside of me.  I never knew motherhood could change you so totally and in an instant.  I am so incredibly happy, and yet, I feel like I could cry at any second!

I am sad that my mom is leaving,

But I am excited to begin this new endeavor on our own.

I am so incredibly happy and in love with my little one,

But I feel I am mourning the loss of just me and Eric times.  

I feel confident and in control,

But I am so incredibly worried about him.  All the time.  I could drive myself crazy with worry.

I feel oddly energetic at times,

But I feel physically and emotionally exhausted too.

I have been a mother for less than two weeks, but I feel like it's been forever since I could just do whatever I wanted to do on my own schedule.  

Eric and I were talking the other night about how we used to just go shopping on a whim, or out to eat just because we felt like it. Gone are those days.

We could stay up super late and watch Jimmy Fallon, or I could go to bed early if I was tired.  Now we are tied down to feeding schedules, and if we go to bed, it's to SLEEP!

We could make plans and not worry about anyone else - other than Brinkley, now we will have to plan to go out, or get Aiden all packed up to go with us.

All of that is changed now - and we will never have that back.  It's a bittersweet realization.   

BUT in exchange we get this PERFECT little bundle of love who needs us, and I am so thankful for him.We could spend hours just staring at him.  He has the sweetest way of just staring at you, as if studying you.  

He brings us so much laughter already, which is therapeutic after a night of little sleep.

He is so perfect, and we sometimes find ourselves feeling like he's still not ours - like someone is going to come and take him away any day.  We can't believe we are parents...it still hasn't quite sunk in yet.  I think we are still just in survival mode.

It was so wonderful having my mom here.  She is such a natural with Aiden, and I learned so much from her.  I could not have made it through that first week and a half without her. I only hope I am half the Mommy that she was to me.  

And although I am excited to start on my own, I will miss her terribly, and will probably be calling her quite often.

Thankfully I won't have to wait too long to see her again, as Labor Day Weekend is just around the corner!